She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
