ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
