So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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