Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
