someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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