I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
