Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
