so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Alive.
So much puke
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize