does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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