he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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