she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
