Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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