I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
