the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
