4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
