You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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