omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
