Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
