i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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