Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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