2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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