so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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