he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
