I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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