Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
