forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize