i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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