dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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