my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
