Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
