i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize