Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
