were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
