i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
