Swine flu. Run for my life!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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