your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
