someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
