Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
