what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
