Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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