Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
