omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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