I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
