I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
