I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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