dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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