I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
