Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
