capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
