Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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