so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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