Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
