Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
