dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
