Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
