I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
