AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
