Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
