I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
