you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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