I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bring money and cleavage
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
