The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
