yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
