We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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